With apologies to Oprah, here are some universal truths I learned today:
1) It is a bad - no, a very bad - idea to shop for swimsuits after work, especially if you haven't been to happy hour;
2) You should remove your black crew socks BEFORE trying on swimsuits but, if you forget, for God's sake, don't look in the mirror;
3) It is impossible to "look 10 pounds lighter in 10 seconds.' Sorry, Miraclesuit, but you're full of it.