Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Colonoscopy tips Katie didn't tell us about

 
Who needs Skinny Girl? My margarita mix.
      Tomorrow will be my third colonoscopy. I had my first one at 50 (as recommended by my doctor and Katie Couric) and, because they found a couple of polyps (which proved to be benign), I had another one at 53. That test was negative, so I was told to come back in 5 years for a follow-up. (Now, you're completely up to speed on my private medical history, HIPAA be damned.)
     As a colonoscopy veteran, I am not nervous about the procedure. I'll be knocked out thanks to that drug that killed Michael Jackson (hmm, maybe I should be a tad nervous) and the nap I'll take afterward will be glorious. It's getting through today that I'm worried about. First, there's the fasting. Nothing but clear liquids all damn day. Popsicles aside, I'm going to be one cranky camper by this afternoon. Then the, er, housecleaning, will begin. This is where the tips come in:
     1) A nurse told me that as long as I'm not working, I can begin the cleaning at 3 p.m., not at 5 or 6, as the instructions call for. "Those are for working people," she said. "The sooner you get it going (I silently pardoned her pun), the earlier you can go to sleep." Chalk another one up for semi-retirement.
     2) A doctor I know mixes the lemon flavored laxative in a margarita. Clear liquids, yes? That, my friends, is a game changer.  Because housecleaning tends to go a little better when you're relaxed.
    I'll spare you the details after the prep begins in earnest, but the question is: Are you having your colonoscopies on schedule? 

4 comments:

Carol Starr Schneider said...

Normally, I envy you on a very deep, unhealthy level. Not today, my love. I wish you a happy colonoscopy. For my first effort, I destroyed the plumbing and the plumbers came and basically, we got a whole new driveway out of it. xo

Cathy Hamilton said...

Whoa. You'll have to explain that one...privately, of course.

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Gerald Vonberger said...

It's really good to know what to expect from a colonoscopy. I like your tip about when to start cleaning. That's a hard thing to deal with, especially if you're working. My wife and I are planning on getting our first colonoscopy pretty soon, so this helps a ton. http://www.lincolnsurgicalgroup.com/services_colorectal.html