Advanced Empty Nesting
Posted by Leah Hemenway on Nov 1st, 2007
Empty nesting is really coming home to roost. I didn’t realize it until recently, but life has changed drastically. My older step- kids have been gone for ages, my oldest son is married, Arna is at Iowa, and now when Bob goes out of town , I’m literally home alone. This is a huge change. For 25 years I have set a good example for teenagers, taken care of elementary school kids, sat beside kids doing homework, eaten my vegetables, and curbed TV watching. For many years I totally forgot we had a TV in my intense effort to be a good influence.
So now, what should I do? Should I turn on music really loud? Should I watch TV during the day? Should I buy movie magazines? How does a person behave who is no longer an example? A parent watched intently by growing children? The choices seem infinite. I think I need to first make a list of possible things to do..
1) Light candles. For many years this has been verboten. I suspected that my sons had a pyromaniac gene that I wanted to squelch. This gene came out every 4th of July when both sons went wild in their own special ways. Basically Arna drove us crazy with lighting fireworks from dawn until he could no longer find anything to light. Zach went off with his friends and came back with holes in his shirt. This could go back to a very creative babysitter who entertained the boys by lighting up figures in our back yard. He was fired after telling them that he was going to call the adoption agency to come and get them unless they behaved. I admit that when I was young, my sisters and I had a “firebug” club that met at night (awakened by an alarm clock) to light candles. We were eventually busted and that was the end of that. So maybe this would be a great activity for me: light candles. I’ve never tried aromatic ones. Would my husband think I was crazy? Maybe.
2) Watch TV during the day. I think this might backfire even though I admit that I’ve only seen Jerry Springer once at a car wash and thought it could be fascinating. Granted, it was the day that they had men who wanted to be treated like babies and it was interesting to see their attire. But if the rest of daytime TV lives up to that show, maybe it would be fun. Again, my husband may have reservations about this activity, but you only live once.
3) Eat sugared cereal. Now, I admit that I have bought many boxes of sugared cereal. Arna and his friends loved to eat cereal for snacks or for dessert. It was never considered a mealtime food. We always cooked sausage, eggs, pancakes, or French toast for breakfast foods. I’ve also bought this cereal for my grandkids, just to increase my popularity. But, personally I haven’t eaten it. So maybe this would be a good idea.
4) Blast old music like the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. This is a sore issue. I never listened to this music for a few reasons. I would actually have to go out and buy it. Then I wouldn’t want to face teenagers. There would probably be lots of ridicule, maybe imitations: how can you listen without singing along and probably dancing? My sons imitate my driving stance (which apparently is crunched up and close to the dashboard), my dirty looks: why would I give them open season on singing and dancing? But even more than that, if I listened to old rock and roll then there’d be questions and wrong conclusions. “Mom, I think you were a hippy,” I’ve heard that more than once with no provocation.
“Not me, never. Munner and Ted (their grandparents) were strict.”
“Didn’t you go to rock concerts?”
“Yeah, but not many. And I had to come home…I was a good kid. Ask Ted. I was a great student, studied a lot… just like you should…”
On several occasions, I have discovered that my husband does not know the words to Beatles songs. This kills me. Who was a teenager or college student or alive in the l960s and doesn’t know these? I have offered tutoring to no avail. So I think now may be the time for that good old rock and roll. The kids would be none the wiser. I think music would be a great way to pass the time on long car trips, but my husband says that my singing puts a damper on this idea..
5) Dye my hair blonde or some other color. Now is the time. I’m turning grey rapidly. I could send my kids pictures so that they wouldn’t be frightened the first time they saw my new hairdo. I could also tell them how sensitive I’ve become to their criticism: try to intimidate them into not making negative comments. I think I might be a great red head ... This seems awfully permanent. This idea may go in the not-this-year pile.
6) Take karate or something similar. Just wearing the outfit in front of my kids would have been a challenge. I could just see them calling all of their friends or snapping a picture of me in my white get-up. And then what if I hated it: then I would be a quitter of the first rank. That brings up a great point about being an empty nester: you can try anything and quit and nobody notices. This could be a great advantage.
7) Take cooking classes. This would be the perfect time for that: I could actually practice on Bob and there would be no complaints. All of our kids preferred certain meals: spaghetti, pizza, hamburgers, macaroni, tacos, enchiladas, meatloaf and lasagna. Most of these meals are hard to make in small quantities and really are teenage boy fillers. So we need to make a big switch. I think I’m ready to enroll.
8) Go to a tanning booth. I have never tried this activity. I haven’t decided whether I want to be tan or not ... This could be my chance to just get tan without somebody ( myself or one of my kids) lecturing me on the dangers, the bourgeois nature of this activity, and maybe even the total waste. Whenever it gets cold outside, I think of warm activities that remind me of summer. Now that I am still doing bikram yoga at 110 degrees, I’m not too hot on this idea, but it’s out there.
9) Go to a movie on a “school” night. Are there any school nights any more? Imagine going to a movie when it wasn’t crowded and it wasn’t Sunday afternoon. This seems very exciting and almost risqué. Since we have gone many years only attending one movie per year (on Thanksgiving), I think this could be a real possibility. I have never attended a movie alone. Maybe it’s time to get out there and experience a movie all by myself. I’ll have to be careful that it isn’t scary though. I have been known to put my head down or actually go to the restroom for awhile during movies that were too scary for me. How my kids could take the tension and violence in some PG movies surprises me. So here’s an idea that might be okay.
10) Watch more “chick” flicks. I have tricked my husband into this recently. Luckily, he couldn’t ask our sons about the movie before we got there. It was funny though when he poked me during the previews.
“Why are they advertising all these ‘chick’ flicks?”
“Because you’re at a ‘chick’ flick. Sorry, I thought you knew.”
I told him later that these films are also “date” movies and since we were on a “date” this was a great idea. He was less enthusiastic.
That’s all of my ideas so far. I think that I’ll ask my friends and relatives for suggestions. It seems so counter-culture: now that I can keep my activities “secret” and possibly be a bad example, maybe I can do something different or new. I have no interest in tattoos, piercings, or exotic drinks, although I have to admit that I was at a meeting a week ago and noticed a woman over 65 with a butterfly tattoo right above her ankle and nearly forgot my report. Then I started worrying, “Am I still an example of an empty nester to my kids who will some day be empty nesters?” I decided that this is way too complicated and as long as I don’t go skydiving or bungie jumping that I’m in the clear. I wonder if surfing school would be fun?
at 5:46 p.m.
I vote for the red hair or maybe strawberry-blond.
After Bob leaves for work, have you had breakfast in bed (double-chocolate chip ice cream) while reading a great murder mystery?