Resolutions I can keep
Posted by Pat Detmer on Jan 15th, 2008
Finally ... finally! ... at fifty-seven I've gotten smart enough to know that there's absolutely no reason to set myself up for eventual failure, so I've decided that I'm going make some New Year's resolutions that I know I'll be able to keep, having had plenty of practice at them in 2007:
(1) I'm going to walk into rooms not remembering why I did. I'll go back to where I started and squint and look around and try to figure out what I might have been headed for, or what task I might have had in mind. If it doesn't occur to me, I'll whack myself on the head as if it will help dislodge the answer.
(2) I'll talk out loud to myself as much as possible. If that makes me feel a little funny, I'll use a Bluetooth. No one will ever know that I'm just talking to myself. Or I'll get a dog or cat. Then I can babble freely and feel like I have a willing audience, or at least a willing audience if I get the dog and not the cat, since no cat is truly willing.
(3) When I get my hair cut, I will make fun of the celebrities in the magazines that they have there. I won't even think about not picking up those magazines, even though I consider them a blight on the American reading landscape.
(4) I will lose one earring of my favorite pair at least once a month. I will drop and lose a pierced ear backing weekly.
(5) I will marvel at the long hairs growing out of my chin.
(6) When I don't have my glasses on, I will stand in front of the mirror and try at least once to pluck a wrinkle.
(7) I will succumb to how-to-dress missives and will try to wear attractive pointed-toe shoes with high heels, but will eventually shrug and go back to my incredibly serviceable and comfortable flats.
(8)I will not sweat the small stuff unless it's that strange bubbly sound that's coming from the master bathroom toilet that The Sainted One has chosen to ignore in spite of my helpful and pointed reminders.
(9) I will arrive at least and hour late or an hour early – or even a day before or after — an appointment that I've made, even though it's right there on my planning calendar, written correctly, and in ink.
(10) I will tell myself daily that I need to get started on that memoir, but other than looking at the picture of myself and my two sisters that will eventually grace the cover (me: dark, enormous and dressed in garish plaid; my sisters, tiny and blond in sundresses) and laughing out loud at the title I've already given it: "They Could Only Afford to Feed One", I'll do little else. Maybe.
Comments
No one has commented on this story yet. Perhaps you'd like to be the first?
Post a comment
Commenting requires registration.