My New Crush
Posted by Michelle Churchill on Feb 12th, 2007
The last couple of weeks have been as cold as I remember in New York City. I however have been hotter than hell. Clearly my hormones are running amok and the hot flashes are helping to protect me against the cold.
Along with the hot flashes my raging hormones seem to make my mind wander.
I am introspective.
I am laughing.
I am crying at the drop of a hat.
I am thinking about men.
I log on to my computer and begin to surf the World Wide Web in search of the perfect man. I wonder if my perfect man is searching as diligently for me. I log in only to discover that no one has sent a cyber wink or an e-mail my way. I fight back hot flash-induced tears and bravely peruse my perspective dates. There are short ones, tall ones, old ones and young ones. I try to weed out the possible crazy ones and send out a few cyber winks myself. There is nothing to do now but wait.
Waiting. That is the problem. The hormones surging through my body are making me overemotional and, even more the point, I am feeling a bit wild. Menopause seems to have increased my libido. I can think of nothing but men. I’m thinking about sex as well, but it’s really thinking about their hairy bodies, how it feels to feel a rough hand against mine, how they smell. I am obsessed with men, so what better way to spend my time than to fantasize about a man I hardly know yet see every day.
I seem to have developed a schoolgirl crush on a man who runs a shop in my neighborhood. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I find myself constantly daydreaming about this man. I look down at my doodles and realize I am writing his name over and over again and surrounding it with little swirls and flowers. I confess I even played that game where you cross out matching letters from each of our names to determine the nature of our future relationship. Remember that one? With the remaining letters you recite: “love, hate, friendship, marriage, love, hate friendship, marriage.” This exercise produced the letter M for marriage. I smile in the knowing that we are destined to live happily ever after. Then I realize the difference between playing this game in junior high and playing it now is that I wonder if marriage is a foretelling of our future or if it is his present state of being.
Is he married?
He started openly flirting with me a couple of months ago. I am filled with glee each time he says my name. Now I am suspicious that he is married. I know he was married once. The other day I went into his shop and noted that his ring finger is now bare. I am sure he wore a ring before, but perhaps this is just wishful thinking.
I decide that a trip to my neighborhood spa for a facial is the thing to do. The spa owner will not only make my face as fresh and smooth as a baby’s bottom, but she is always an excellent source for what’s going on in the neighborhood. As she works on my face she says that she is sure he is married. Even so, she notes that it may be over. Even her husband thinks it’s a bad match. I tell her of his bare ring finger and she vows to do a little investigative work for me. Perhaps his divorce has passed under her radar screen.
In the meantime, I will continue to surf the World Wide Web for Mr. Right while I wait to see if the powers that be have actually placed a viable man directly in the path of my everyday life.
at 7:14 a.m.
Ooh! This sounds promising. Makes my life seem so dull by comparison. But I'd never heard of the Love, Hate, Friendship, Marriage game.