Munchkins Unite!
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider on Nov 19th, 2007
What do three surviving members of the Lollipop Guild, the Incredible Hulk and presidential hopeful John Edwards have in common? Good question. Glad you asked. Turns out, they all showed up at NBC on Friday afternoon and joined a mob of over 700 Writers Guild picketers.
Other famous folks joined in, too. There were actors like James Denton and Doug Savant from “Desperate Housewives” and comedian Sarah Silverman. And don’t forget the scores of fans and the crush of cameramen taking full advantage.
“I’m here to support you and to fight for justice and fairness,” Edwards yelled into a bullhorn.
We screamed and cheered and hurt our vocal cords. Oh, it was all very exciting… until I nearly got a free lobotomy when a cameraman came this close to slicing my brain in half with his heavy apparatus.
But don’t worry. I gave him a piece of my mind. “Hey!” I hollered at him in my tough-girl voice. “Do you mind? There’s a person here!”
I don’t think he minded all that much. He cared only about showing Edwards as he worked the crowd, smiling his handsome smile. If he had to take a percentage of my cranium to get the job done right, so be it.
Yes, it was one big carnival on Friday, full of impersonators and looky-loos and anti-establishment types and folks in costumes. Before I even got to see the real John Edwards – and by “see,” I mean, catch a fleeting glimpse of his boyish face – I shook hands with the fake John Edwards. He had the Southern accent and the political spiel down. He had the brown hair and the big grin. But he was too tall and too toothy to capture the real Edwards essence. Not that it mattered. He soaked up the attention. He milked it for all he could and got laughs instead of campaign contributions.
Then there was the bouncy blonde dressed up like a reporter from Fox News. She gets points for chutzpah and her authentically newsy demeanor. Microphone in hand, she grabbed some key interviews with fellow attention-grabbers. Good thing I brought Francine, my private make-up artist, along for the ride. Francine touched up a few questionable facial spots, brightened me up with a bit more rouge and ruby red lipstick and voila, I was primed to launch into my camera-ready, 30-second sound bite on human rights and residuals.
Then I got the shocker of all time, when I took a closer look at the logo of her jacket. Immediately, I let out a full-throttle, throaty gasp of dismay.
“Cut!” I commanded. “What the -- !”
The logo on her jacket didn’t say Fox News. What it said was… Foxy News.
At that moment, I felt taken. I felt robbed. Even if I did look rather fetching and oil-free, thanks to Francine. You’ll be happy to know that after an emotionally-charged debate with myself, I proudly declined to be interviewed by Ms. Foxy News for her faux TV channel.
My logic went like this: What if Foxy News turned out to be… oh… I don’t know… pornographic in nature? What sort of legacy would I be leaving my sons?
“Hey, kids! Come check out the tight shot of Mom on YouTube!”
No. I couldn’t let that happen. I do have my standards. They may be low, but I cling to them, nonetheless.
I had barely recovered when the Incredible Hulk grazed my elbow with his enormously fake green muscles, and went “Grrrr” unconvincingly. Talk about bogus. And don’t get me started on the postal imposter who walked around, delivering Xeroxed residual checks:
“Pay to the order of: Joe Screenwriter.” The amount of the check: .08 cents, which is what the WGA wants to get from the sale of one $20 DVD, instead of the .04 cents we get now. These days, that mega-increase is looking unlikely, to say the least.
The high point of the day for me was when the three original munchkins from “The Wizard of Oz” marched right by me. Now these guys were the real deal. I wanted to bend down and hug them and invite them home for dinner. I love the Munchkins on a level that approaches nirvana. Yet the voice in my head told me to control the urge to kidnap the remaining Lollipop cuties for my very own. After all, these little guys are pretty old. They needed to rest up for their big day on Tuesday, when they get their much-deserved star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Still, my Munchkins sighting has lifted my spirits, significantly, along with the happy news that the WGA and the Alliance of You-Know-Who have agreed to meet again after Thanksgiving. This is a promising development for everyone. Especially me. I’m not sure how much more of this Mardi Gras I can take.
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