February 9, 2007
It’s February, and we all know what that means. It’s time for garments of pink satin, flowers and candy — not necessarily in that order. And while teenyboppers, newly engaged couples and a whole host of other sappy sentimentalists scurry around with hearts aflutter in an attempt to find that perfect gesture of eternal devotion, we realists will enjoy the day as it should be spent; popping a few chocolates and calling it good.
Frankly, I don’t understand the hysteria surrounding February 14th. Not to diminish the importance of solid relationships — I am in one myself — but to me, Valentine’s Day represents the ultimate in faking it. Wives get dressed up and swoon over their spouses. Husbands show up with fresh bouquets, candy and invitations to dinner, while secretly regretting their frivolous expenditures. The National Retail Federation reports that consumers spend about $14 billion annually on the holiday. The masses scramble for poetic greetings, sexy gifts and way-too-sugary snacks in an effort to say what they have trouble saying on the other 364 days of the year — I love you.
My husband and I used to play the game. But a few years back, we learned the secret to really enjoying Valentine’s Day. Once we dropped the pretense that we were madly infatuated with each other, Valentine’s Day became a whole lot more fun.
I don’t know when it came to him, but for me, the realization came a few years ago when I was cleaning out some drawers and found a stash of old Valentine’s Day cards. While reading the cards, which dated back to the early days of our courtship, I was amazed at how powerfully the personal notes I had written in the cards characterized our relationship. Years one through five contained notes of adoration, such as, “You complete me,” and “You take my breath away.” The next five years revealed feelings of love, but less intense: “You and me = together forever,” or just a simple “Happy Valentine’s Day.” From there, monotony had set in. The greetings were curt and obviously obligatory. I found a scrap of paper tucked among the cards; a note I had written to one of my kids. “Tell your dad I said Happy Valentine’s Day,” it read. The next card held the words, “Happy VD.” But it was when I came to the most recent cards, the ones written five or so years ago, that I came face to face with my liberating catharsis. The cards read “You’re a decent guy,” “I’m glad we’re in this together,” and finally, “Happy Valentine’s Day, and I really mean it.”
An insightful and articulate friend once summed up marriage for me in a delightfully analogous way. Marriage is like wallpaper. In the early stages of choosing, the possibilities are endless. Then you pick one, enchanted with your selection. Over time, you forget to notice it. Many days, you don’t like it, but what are you going to do? After all, you picked it. Every few years, you buy some new art to spruce it up, but that excitement is short-lived. At times, you think of changing it, tempted by new designs and colors. But in the end, you realize the paper you chose so many years ago helped make your house a home and has qualities that are irreplaceable.
Today, February 14th around here is a good day. I call our arrangement “Love Ping-Pong.” He balances my checking account. I cook a high protein breakfast for him. He researches which car to buy. I call his mother to say hello. In the evening, we get some carryout. I plop on the couch next to him with a box of chocolates in my lap. I offer him a piece, muttering, “Love ya.” I turn on the television and we settle in for a blissful night of college basketball. Now that is true love and, in our house, it is here to stay.
Comments
tranquil (anonymous) says...
Love this...my sentiments exactly.
Sabine
February 10, 2007 at 7:57 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Montymom (anonymous) says...
Whew! What a relief to find others who feel the same way we do. Thanks for putting it out there Marcia.
- Montymom
February 12, 2007 at 6:10 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Pixanne (anonymous) says...
This past one, is the first enjoyable Valentine's day I've had in years. I am currently very single, no one to even buy a card for, and I can't tell you how nice it feels not to have the pressure. I can remember last year, when my then boyfriend bought me something extravagant, and I, by virtue of joblessness, had only a card for him. I felt bad. and then later, he told me of his friend's girlfriend who had gotten her man a mohagany humidor....
You sound like you are in a nice state in your relationship. and I feel as though I'm in a nice state in the absence of one. Congratulations to both of us!
February 18, 2007 at 8:32 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
christine283 (anonymous) says...
I so enjoyed this. I am married for 27 years and always was mushy about Valentine's Day but realize that after all these years together, I don't need this holiday - my life is a Valentine and a card, gifts, and flowers are not required. For us, the comfort of our relationship and friendship is what matters - the rest is a bonus but doesn't define us. Our anniversary falls on Feb. 17 and we celebrate that as a combination Valentine's Day and Anniversary - and I did get flowers but they were not expected or needed. It's the fun together that makes it.
February 18, 2007 at 2:09 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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