Divorced after 40 or 50
Posted by Terry on Jan 6th, 2007
I am recently divoroced and over 50. I can't believe that I am single again. It's scary and just plain feels weird.
I have checked into a divorce group in Lawrence, KS but it meets on Monday nights and I cannot make it on those nights. I would also like to have something more informal, like meet in people's homes and just discuss divorce issues without a lot of structure. What do you think?
at 5:08 p.m.
I haven't been able to find such support groups here in Manhattan, maybe I've been looking in the wrong place. I've been divorced for 1.5 years and the past 6 months it's finally soaked in. I'm 47 and this year would have marked our 30th anniversary. It is scary and feels very wierd! It would be nice to form an informal divorce support group.
at 2:36 p.m.
Yes it is scary and weird. When I imploded from my divorce, it took a very close friend, whom I knew since grammar school, to help put me back together. I live in California, and there are many support groups here, but when you are shattered it becomes so hard just to go to a group. I know it sounds dumb, but I needed the support of my friend just to come with me to a group. For me, I wouldn’t have traded all the advise and support from the best groups in the world for the caring of one friend. I hope you have the same.
at 8:41 p.m.
preshette -
I totally agree. My divorce, after 26 years, is final in March or April. The person who really got me through it is an old college buddy.
I went to a divorce support group for a few months and it was OK, but after a while I felt more anxious listening to other people and problems that I ultimately never had with my divorce process. I think it's important to not let yourself get caught up in that dynamic in a support group.
at 11:07 a.m.
I was relieved when my divorce was final. The whole marriage and relationship are like a bad dream now. FYI, I was only in the relationship 7 years (2 years married)...
I was really shattered/depressed BEFORE he knew I wanted the divorce. I was a mess - a lot of inner turmoil about the relationship, finances, and the future. I'd stopped doing everything I loved to do - no cooking, no creativity, no nothing. When he finally moved out a few months later, I was relieved. I moved the furniture, put in a new flower bed - anything to keep me moving and stop me from moping. The divorce was final on his birthday. Ha!
He left in Sept 2005. The 1.5 years have been solitary, lonely at times, and also terrific. I've reconnected with old friends and made great strides in embracing myself again: left an unfulfilling job, sold the house, returned to my home state, started grad school at age 44. I feel lighter, brighter, happier than I have in years. Hang in there, keep the focus on what you really love and what you want to do with the rest of your life.
at 4:37 p.m.
Being 52 and going through a divorce after 29 years of marriage is not what I had planned or envisioned for my "second half of life" but every day gets a little less scary. I still have some big speed bumps ahead until everything is finalized but have found a lot of help from a book called "Getting Up, Getting Over, Getting On" which is based on the twelve step guide to divorce recovery. I have already read it twice and it does encourage group meetings but I have a great support network of friends (married, divorced, widowed, single) that I feel is enough for me. I'm also reading "The Language of Letting Go" which has been very helpful to me with its daily meditations. I have a long way to go but look forward to my new adventure!
at 11:20 p.m.
I'm 53 and have been divorced for about 7 years now. I moved away and have been through a few relationships which obviously didn't work out :( Now here I am....moved back to be here with my kids. It's nice having my kids around (when they they have time for me) but it sure would be nice to have someone special in my life. I've pretty much given up on that though....between working all the time and having my daughter living with me, there never seems to be any time for me to even be able to find someone special...
at 11:13 a.m.
I would recommend online dating services like match.com for those of you who don't have a lot of time but still have the desire for companionship. I held out a long time until a friend convinced me to give it a shot. It helps to remember we're all just people, hoping to make a connection. Dating doesn't seem to be the jungle scene it used to be.