Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Now that the kids are off to college, many parents are dealing with empty nest syndrome.
Family therapist and BoomerGirl.com advice columnist, Susan Kraus, has experienced it from both sides of the couch, so to speak. The mother of two grown children, she says the worst way to deal with the empty nest blues is to trivialize it.
“It’s a transition. It’s a major life transition especially if it’s the youngest child or an only child, because you miss the person of that child, so it’s difficult I think, it’s important to give it some respect,” says Kraus, “Recognize that you’re gonna have to take time to kind of grieve a little bit.”
Video
How to lose those empty nest blues
Now that the kids are off to college, many parents are dealing with empty nest syndrome.
To avoid letting grief get the best of you, Kraus recommends you seek out friends and take full advantage of your newfound freedom.
“Trying to initiate some changes that build - that foster and build - their other relationships,” says Kraus, “The marriage relationships, friendships - I mean, there’s a lot of single moms, and they might not have that support built into the family. They’re going to feel it more than anyone.”
For parents single and married, adding new activities to your life, like an art class, book club or even going out to dinner once in a while, can help fill the time previously spent with the kids.
Kraus says conquering empty nest syndrome is important not only for the parents but for the child who has flown the coop. And if you can’t do it alone, there’s professional help.
“The children will know by the tone of their voice in a phone conversation, by the tone of their e-mails, the children will know whether or not they’re okay. And it’s huge,” says Kraus, “If you’re not going to do it for yourself - if you not thinking in terms of ‘I need help’ - recognize that it’s a real burden on our kids to feel responsible for parental feelings.”
Comments
bornin1955 (anonymous) says...
Don't worry too much because chances are they'll be back before you know it. YIKES!!!
August 21, 2007 at 11:10 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
cathy (cathy) says...
Yes, and it's amazing how, once they move back then finally move out again, those "empty nest blues" are non-existent!
August 21, 2007 at 12:18 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
femail (anonymous) says...
It's been 17 years since our oldest daughter left for college and times have changed as far as communication. However, I feel the advice from a women's magazine in the early 90s still holds.
The author suggested writing letters. My daughter and I did just that. The letters allowed space for establishing her independence yet an acceptable connection to home and family. Writing helped me let go and acknowledge the adult she had become. I saved all the letters (copies of mine and hers) and have them in a notebook. Even though they were less frequent as the years went by, we continued writing throughout college.
August 23, 2007 at 8:14 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
single (anonymous) says...
They say a mother has a special bond with her son. Even more so if it is her only son. Add to that, a single mom that raised this only son for 22 years. A son that after 22 years, just moved out to live with his girlfriend and his grandmother. (due to the grandmothers health)
It's like being hit with a ton of bricks.
They say focus on other members of the family... uh which other members???
They say to focus on the husband... didn't I mention "single"?
They say to jump into your job, what job is that? gardening? cleaning the house? I lost my job last year....
I can go on and on about what the "experts" suggest to those mom's with multiple children, who's child went off to college. What about us who supported our only child at home while they continued their education. What about us single mom's that just lost our only son to another woman (their future wife)?
I don't know about you, I've always been the strong one, the self-sufficient one, the provider... done it all... I wasn't expecting to "lose it" just before driving him and his stuff a whopping 7 miles away (sarcasm). I know I'll see him, he still has stuff here, so why did I completely lose it? And why am I busting out into tears randomly over this? It isn't like he moved across the country or anything.
August 28, 2008 at 10:32 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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