BoomerGirl Diary

Charlotte, N.C. — Gray hair doesn't carry the stigma that it once did. Doubtful? Check out Jamie Lee Curtis, Adam "MCA" Yauch of the Beastie Boys, "American Idol" winner Taylor Hicks, Helen Mirren, Anderson Cooper, Paula Deen and Will Smith, just to name a few.

Though more celebs are proudly sporting silver dos, the internal debate most people face about embracing the powdery strands or diving into a bottle of color is enough to cause, well, gray hairs.

No matter how or when people gray "translates into a symbol of aging," said Gretchen Monahan, 37, a celebrity stylist who's working with Dove as it rolls out its new Pro-Age hair and skin-care line. "There's almost this attitude (about graying) that you're being saddled with something."

Monahan, who owns a chain of salons, spas and boutiques in and around Boston, said women make graying harder for each other, but the climate is changing - slowly.

"For men, we've seen wonderful (examples) like Robert Redford age and have gray and be kept in sexy roles, and you aren't really seeing that with women," Monahan said.

But more women are having a conversation with themselves (and their stylists) about breaking the cycle. "When you go gray, you're righteously saying, `I'm fine with this,'" she said. "You're really showing a defiant acceptance of growing older."

Those wiry, silver accents sprout in the early 30s for most people, said salon owner Jeri Palillo, 45.

Hairstyles follow celebrity trends, she said, and while there are seemingly more snow-capped famous folk on the scene, there are far more hiding it with an army of products to back them up. Color isn't just for hiding the gray, it is often used to help bridge the gap during the transition back to the natural color. Hair product mega-giant Redken alone has six color lines aimed at masking gray.

Ellen Mary Woods, 30, said she attributed the appearance of gray in her hair at age 17 to stress.

Around age 26, Woods started using henna and other nonchemical dyes to cover the gray in her dark hair (including vinegar, day-old black coffee, red wine, lemon juice or tea).

After the birth of her son Isaiah in 2006, Woods found less time to tend the frosty interlopers.

"I believe dyed hair is stylish and gray hair is stylish, but roots are not stylish," she wrote in an e-mail. "I found my roots showing more than I would like. I made the decision to go gray a month or two ago, and it is amazing how beautiful I feel."

Approaching the big 5-0 has made Susan Ehrman more contemplative about her graying hair, which started changing from "virtually black" to now "probably 50 percent gray" some seven or eight years ago.

"I don't comb my hair, have never put a dryer to it," she said with a laugh. "I wash my hair and that's it. I would never color my hair - it's too much work."

Ehrman's recently become aware of the graying game after talking with her children Rachel and Joe Ehrman-Dupre (ages 18 and 15).

"My daughter tells me I'm one of the only mothers among her friends who don't color their hair," said Ehrman, who's grown out her closely cropped short hair to about 2-3 inches past her shoulders. "I wondered if that bothered her, and she said, `No.' The idea that so many women in that age group are making that choice, I had no idea."

For Betsy Little, the changing texture of her hair and the aftermath of Sept. 11 prompted her decision to forgo coloring her graying hair some six years ago.

"It was sort of a decision that there are more important things in life than the decisions about what to do with my hair," said Little.

Little started graying in her 20s, much like a paternal aunt, who went prematurely gray.

"I inherited my aunt's genetics," she said. "I look at her, and I know exactly what I'm going to look like. At this point, I'm waiting for it to go white and be done with it," she said with a laugh.

Forgoing color wasn't easy, but she had support from her husband, Eric, and daughters Ginnie, 12, and Katie, 9.

"People do look at you differently (with gray hair)," Little said. "My husband said, `You know your destiny, you know what you're going to look like, let it go.' "

It took about a year, she said, to be completely color-free.

"You stop being a slave to your hairdresser," she said. "You're liberated from the scheduling and stressing about when you see your roots."

Not to mention the example it sets for her daughters.

"It's important that they know you need to be yourself, to be happy with what God gave you and if you can live with that, then (people) can live with you."

For others, grays are just part of who they are.

A Personal Decision: One Woman's Story

Betsy Little decided to stop hiding her gray about six years ago. The actual process of going gray is personal, much like the decision to color. Here's how Little made the transition:

• Decide that you are going to go gray. Little looked at family members' hair to see what she was facing.

• Find a stylist willing to work with your wishes. Little's stylist (who has since retired), Terry Soffer, suggested Little consider embracing the gray, since her hair was becoming less receptive to coloring products.

• Commit to a graying plan. Soffer and Little spent the next 18 months working the permanent color out of Little's hair. At least twice, Soffer applied semi-permanent color (which would eventually fade). "I was seeing the natural color start growing," Little said, but the semi-permanent color helped mask obvious root lines.

• Be willing to work a cut that complements the color. Part of Little's 18-month plan included chopping the dyed hair off as more naturally colored hair grew. She wore a chin-length bob, which she had cut every three to four months. "It's important to maintain a good cut," Little said.

• Own it. Seriously. Today, Little's stylist, Debbie Draheim, estimates that Little is 75-80 percent gray around her face, and about 30 percent gray in the back. "We dissect so much, especially women, about each other - boob size, wrinkles, hair color," Little said. "The older you get, the more you learn and realize ... that (having gray hair) just doesn't matter anymore."

Style It!

Managing hair with new character - including but not limited to wiry, dull, frizzy, lifeless texture - can be daunting, said Dove celebrity stylist Gretchen Monahan. But it's not impossible, using these products to get you started:

• Dove Pro-Age Shampoo and Conditioner ($5.99, various retailers): Part of Dove's new line aimed at women who are experiencing changes in their hair as they age. The shampoo doesn't contain silicone (which can weigh hair down).

• Pureology Superstraight Relaxing Serum ($20, various retailers):

Use on wet hair before blow-drying, but any straightening product or anti-humidity product should help.

• Dove Pro-Age Styling Mousse ($5.99, various retailers): Mousse is light, so it doesn't weigh hair down. It combines control and volume.

• Wella Color Preserve Seal & Shine ($14, various retailers): Not just for use with color-treated hair, the finishing product protects hair and acts as a light reflector to give hair shine.

• Sebastian Potion 9 (Starting at $6.99, various retailers): A wearable, styleable conditioner - made of nine oils and extracts - to help recover lost moisture, revitalize damage and rejuvenate the condition of hair.