Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Do you have a BFF? I don't know that I do.
Until last week, I'd never heard of a BFF. This betrays my distance from current popular culture.
A friend referred in an e-mail to her BFF, which I took to mean "best female friend," which led me to wonder who my BFF is, or if I even have one anymore. A contender is my old pal Iris, who lived a block from me in San Francisco in the 1980s. But she dwells in Iowa now. We haven't seen each other since her mother's funeral a decade ago, and we talk only once or twice a year on the phone.
She's also not good at e-mail. And because she's not, I don't pester her with it, which means we could grow old and feeble without the other catching on.
Can a woman be your BFF if you know less about her life than Oprah's?
I've got local GFFs, but I've known them only a few years. They don't know my old secrets, the really good ones. And I don't know theirs. Plus, they are familiar with the mature me, unlike Iris who knew me when I was playful and carefree and careless.
It's good to have a friend who can remind you who you used to be.
Anyhow, though, I was wrong. BFF stands for "best friends forever." Or maybe "best friend forever." Nobody seems quite sure.
A 50-ish friend with whom I discussed this told me she thinks it's just a casual signoff kids use when text-messaging. "My guess," she said, "is that it's completely insincere."
Her 20-ish daughter agreed: "You can be BFF with multiple people," she told me.
That defies logic. I figure you can only have one best friend, and that's how my 47-year-old pal who alerted me to BFFing sees it, too.
"Carol was already my friend, so I just elevated her to best friend status, mainly in my own mind," she explains. "Before that I used to say things like, `Oh, I have lots of friends' but, to tell the truth, there wasn't anyone among them who I could entrust with most of my secrets. Plus, being able to call someone `my best friend' gives me the warm fuzzies."
In addition, she and her BFF have what she calls "pacts": "We're going to take care of each other when we get old. We're going to run away to Belize for plastic surgery. We put each other down as the emergency contact on our kids' school forms. That's what BFFs are for."
And I've deduced that it's mainly a thing middle-school girls use, widely and indiscriminately.
In any case, all this BFF talk makes me uneasy. I have no pacts with anyone. My secrets are stale, either old or boring. What's the thrill of being BFF if your BFF is BFFing with everyone? And what if I want to monogamously claim a genuine BFF but she — or he — already has a BFF who isn't me?
No wonder people become hermits.
Comments
cathy (cathy) says...
I love this piece. For years, when I was an adolescent and teenager, I used to alternate 'best friend' status among 3 or 4 of my school chums, depending on the level of our relationship that particular week. I was blessed with a large group of friends so this wasn't easy. Soon the 'best friend' title faded away UNTIL it reared its ugly head at my wedding when I had to choose the dreaded 'maid of honor.' I still don't have a 'best friend'unless it's my husband, which isn't the same....or is it?
February 7, 2007 at 7:41 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
rvonknorring (rvonknorring) says...
I too have many GFFs (bless them ALL) but I have a handful of precious BFFs. I think you can have more than ONE, because different girlfriends have earned the BEST title for different reasons.
I have a pact with one of them to quickly remove a secretly hid container in her home if she were to unexpectedly die. :-)
My closest BFF's, that include my sisters, know things about me, and me about them, that very few others, if any, on this earth do. I treasure having a special "sisterhood" with them all.
I honestly don't know what I would do without them in my life.
February 7, 2007 at 10:39 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Barbara (anonymous) says...
One thing I know for sure...if you have a BFF let them know before it's to late. My very BFF passed away a year ago - I am so very thankful for the fact that we both knew we had a BFF!
February 7, 2007 at 12:09 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
cathy (cathy) says...
Barbara,
I'm so sorry to hear about your BFF. If you are new to the site, please visit our Memorials page and consider sending us a tribute to her. Our readers who have submitted memorials tell us it is a very positive and healing thing to do.
Cathy
February 7, 2007 at 2:32 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
alieberman (alieberman) says...
I think the whole BFF thing started as a joke, actually: it was an acronym used by the teen and pre-teen girl set, until the popular press picked it up and used it in a snarky way e.g. "Paris Hilton showed up on Rodeo Drive with new BFF Britney Spears!" But I like it too, and agree that we have can different BFF's for different things. I went to high school with my oldest BFF, saw her through her first (insane) marriage, and we had babies together. Having someone who knows your history is the best. But here in my adopted hometown, I have BFF's who support me in my current life (and vice versa, I think), and for whom I would go to the mat! I mean, woe to the person who is mean to my BFF's!
Thanks for the posting!
February 8, 2007 at 10:18 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Post a comment
Commenting requires registration.