BoomerGirl Diary

Dear Crabby:

I just don't know what my problem is. I have no energy. Even a killer shoe sale isn't enough to get me out of the house. For my last birthday, the kids got me a lapblanket! What's happening to me?

Signed, Dragginbutt

Dear Draggin:

I think you said the magic word: kids. Talk about your unpaid labor! Any woman engaged in the heavy lifting of childrearing ought to get a daily nap with foot massage courtesy of (insert hunk's name here). And then there's that delicate issue of age. Fatigue is a common complaint among perimenopausal and menopausal women.

The first thing you need to do is take a little inventory. Are you:

• Eating well? When was the last time you ate something not associated with a chihuahua, a clown, or a drive-thru window? Is your only use of the word “veg” as a verb? ("I think I’ll just veg today.")

• Exercising regularly? And "chasing after these kids all day" doesn't count. Being busy is not the same as being active. It's hard to convince your weary bones of that at the end of a grueling day, but there it is.

• Getting enough rest? Most of us need at least sevenish hours, more if you have long complicated dreams starring Johnny Depp — oh, sorry, that's just me....

• Taking care of yourself? Doing some things just for you? Behaving like a slave to those you love and never giving a thought to yourself, harboring secret fantasies of revenge and smug scenarios of how the whole thing would fall apart if not for you....

A-ha! I caught you, you self-martyring wonderwoman! I knew it! I'll deal with you at the end of the paragraph.

Once your lifestyle survey is complete, assuming you are not sobbing hysterically at the mess that is your life, and still functional enough to drive the car, see your health care provider. She can assess whether there is a medical cause for your fatigue like anemia, thyroid problems, heart disease, menopause, or depression, and advise you accordingly. If not, as is so often the case, then the problem, much like the dreaded menopausal belly, is back in your lap. As Oprah says, and here I paraphrase: "Only you can change your life, girl."

And how true it is. And the deeper and more distressing truth is that as we age, more maintenance is required to make us feel good. (Youth is wasted on the young.) And only you can do it. Only you can choose to rest, to eat well, to exercise in a way that makes you feel good, and to set limits on your precious "alone" time. That is key for mid-life women. We need time to regenerate, to process all the changes that are happening inside us and in our lives.

Now for the skillbuilding. Here is what you have to do. Learn to say NO. Come on, say it with Crabby. NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOO! You can do it. Your life may even depend on it. The next time someone, even someone you love, tries to get you to do something that will overstress you, say NO.

In fact, I am giving you, right now, a great big bottle of NO. Go on, read the label.

1. Use NO with confidence in any situation, employing a firm, yet compassionate, tone of voice.

2. Do not embellish (It gives them a crack into which to insert the guilt chisel). Simply say, "I'm sorry, NO, I can't."

3. Repeat as needed.

4. Now have some chocolate.

Practice makes perfect.