BoomerGirl Diary

Remember that classic line: Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?

Wouldn’t that be marvelous if it were true? But it isn’t. Words can hurt. Something said years ago often stays in our minds affecting us for the rest of our lives.

This seems to be particularly true for women when it comes to our body image and our sexual technique. Maybe someone commented years ago that one of your breasts was bigger than the other. Or, someone asked if all women had the same sex “smell” as you. One client shared that her husband said she had “cottage cheese thighs,” so she never worn shorts again.

Did someone ask when your baby was due several years after the birth of your last child? When you look in the mirror, do you see the imperfections in your body that someone else has pointed out? You may be carrying an old script in your mind of a time that a group of kids pointed at you and laughed. Perhaps you don’t even know what they were laughing about but you automatically assumed it was about the way you looked.

Society puts a tremendous amount of pressure on us regarding our physical appearance. Open any magazine and you will see the models showing us how we are supposed to look. And, we in turn, carry shame and low self-esteem for how we view ourselves on the measurement scale. Is it any wonder that some women have sexual problems that developed because of their body image?

Maybe a partner told you years ago that you weren’t a very responsive lover. It’s hard to relax and enjoy being in bed with your partner when you are ultra critical about your own body.

Then there are the remarks that are made about what we do or don’t do “correctly” to please our bedmate. Were you once told that you weren’t very good at oral sex? Your partner may have compared you to a previous lover and found you lacking. What did you do with the words that you heard? Did you keep them forever in your thoughts and judge yourself harshly in the sexual arena? Or, perhaps you spent a great deal of time and energy trying to “fix” yourself sexually.

I want to challenge each of you to let go of the negative words and thoughts that you carry with you about your body and/or your sexual behaviors. It’s time to take an honest look at yourself and appreciate the beautiful sexual female that you are. Stand naked in front of your mirror and admire the shape of your body (whatever that shape may be). It is nothing short of a miracle how our bodies work. Be aware of all of the marvelous things that the body can do from being able to bend your arm at the elbow, to having the ability to nurture and give birth to a whole new human being.

Our breasts are amazing no matter what size or shape. The passing years and gravity take their toll on everyone. Very few women have pert, perky breasts when they reach our age. Sagging breasts are normal along with the other ways your body is maturing. Padding on your bottom and thighs gives your partner something more to fondle and love. Being a beautiful woman comes from within. It is appreciating and loving your own body and being proud to share it with your partner in a way that gives each of you pleasure.

As for sexual technique, there is a tremendous difference between having sex and making love. If your touch is coming from your heart and you are showing how much you love your partner in a physical way, it can’t be right or wrong and isn’t to be judged.

Some things feel better than others and that is something you can and should be conveying to each other. But making love is not a contest of who has the best technique. It is the soul-touching-soul intimacy of two people who love each other and want to show it in a sexual way.

The next time a negative thought comes into your mind, replace it with a positive self-affirming one that helps you to experience the beautiful woman that comes from within.