BoomerGirl Diary

Dear Crabby,

Tell me about weight loss. Those ads on TV make it look so easy! The losers don't even end up with excess skin! If it was that easy, why aren't we all thin? I tried pills and they did curb my craving to eat. Then they curbed my craving to be thin (and kept me awake all night), so I quit taking them. Is there a magic solution just around the corner?

Chunky Monkey

Dear Chunk:

I’ve seen those ads on TV, and there is no way that woman in a bikini is a grandmother. Let’s face it, what’s gone south ain’t never goin’ north again without surgical intervention, especially after weight loss! But to get down to your question, weight is one of the biggest issues for the women I see in my practice. We live in a world where cramming just a little more fat in a pizza is the end goal of the food industry. A world where a “fourth meal of the day” is encouraged. A world where Ben and Jerry are allowed to be chubby, schlubby guys peddling a potentially addictive substance, while we women are expected to remain stick-thin with abs and buns of steel. Magazines are full of diet ads and ads for delicious food. It’s a crazymaker.

“Dieting,” as popularized by the media, isn’t really the answer. Sorry to break it to you, but in 2004, 32.2 percent of US adults were obese — and it’s only gotten worse since then. That same year, we spent 46.3 BILLION dollars on weight loss. You’d think with all that money thrown at the problem, somebody would be thinner, not to mention wide awake from all those diet pills. And they probably were, for a time. But sadly, 95 percent of dieters gain the weight back —plus more, as many of you know. The real truth is that there is no magic bullet, and those who successfully lose weight and keep it off (besides the Hollywood “I have a personal chef/trainer/coach” types) tended to figure out on their own what works for them, stick to it diligently, and change many of their habits to make it happen. Not an easy proposition for those of us who think making microwave popcorn takes too long!

This doesn’t mean that popular diets and diet pill prescriptions don’t work for some people, because they do; but the long term data are as weak as a fat-free, sugar-free, half-caf latte. There’s also a lot of good information that people deprived of food, like dieters, overeat, even binge, for quite a long time after the diet, due to the earlier deprivation. (And this makes sense, because once, when I had to go for a long time without watching a Johnny Depp film, I watched four in one weekend!)

So, what to do? Well, I’ve got some suggestions to help you, but you’re not going to like them. Because the truth of the matter is, we live in a relatively lazy (c’mon, how many remotes do you have?), insane food culture. And, for the record, I didn’t say I didn’t like it, it’s just that it’s soooo bad for us! So, here are Crabby’s weight loss tips:

1. Exercise. You gotta move it, girl. Find something you can stick to, and do it.

2. Eat food that you cook at home, from scratch. Limit prepared foods. Fresh is best. Eat a variety. Follow the new food pyramid.

3. Drop the chips — quit snacking! Eat a full meal, even dessert if you want, and then stop. Or, conversely, you can have six small meals a day. I emphasize the word small — no snacks in between.

4. Get rid of all sources of high-fructose corn syrup, if you can. It’s everywhere.

And lay off the diet soda, too! It just keeps your taste for sweet stuff going.

5. Manage your stress. A stressed woman is an eating woman, in many cases.

6. Eat some yummy stuff once in a while. Life’s not worth living if you don’t.

These elementary things once again point out that it’s not rocket science. Most of us know what to do; it’s just easier not to. Listen, when I realized that the main reason I never practiced my yoga/meditation was because I had a full stomach (at any and all hours of the day and evening) I realized something true about myself — I eat too damn often. I’m still working on 25-30 more pounds. I lost 20 two years ago with exercise (yoga, walking, bellydance) and have kept off all but 2 pounds. So incremental success is possible, but tough, especially in midlife. And the people at Breyer’s aren’t making it any easier on me ... mmmmm, mint chip!

For further reading, here are a couple of interesting Web sites.

• http://healthyamericans.org/reports/obesity2006/Obesity2006Report.pdf

• http://www.nwcr.ws/default.htm

This is the National Weight Control Registry. To be in the registry, you have to be that rare oxymoron, a successful loser!