BoomerGirl Diary

Now that I have your attention: I, for one, do care. I know I am not alone in that, and I am not as deeply affected by the virus as many millions of people. But, as removed as I can consider myself from the epidemic — the pandemic — I care.

What does the scourge of this virus have to do with BoomerGirls? We worry about other things, surely. Born between 1946 and 1964, by now we have either recently dealt with our 40th birthdays or are nearing our 60th. This means many of us have created our families one way or another, and are in the process of watching the young ones grow, or grow away. Many of us are grandmothers. Many of us never settled on one long-term partner, or have chosen not to parent and live our lives child-free. Whatever the configuration, our age gives us the perspective of experience, and the hope of real change.

AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome) is a condition that arises as a result of infection with the virus called HIV (human immunodeficiency virus). The virus, when contracted, attacks the strongest and smartest of all of the white blood cells charged with fighting infections. Our immune systems are designed to recognize microorganism intruders, known and unknown, and use a variety of methods to isolate, debilitate, destroy and eliminate them. When the process is compromised by HIV, these immune cells can no longer function and, worse yet, serve as incubators for the production of more viruses.

If that sounds clinical and complex, try this: It was 1986. My friend Bob was a strong, tall, handsome man with a soft, deep voice and a gentle way of moving. He shared with me that he, like many of his friends, did not want to be tested for the virus at first. His logical mind told him that as long as he felt well and seemed healthy, why should he seek information that would confirm his early death?

My friend Bob eventually did get tested. He had the virus. So he quit his job, educated himself about HIV, and began to volunteer as a guest speaker in schools and community groups. Bob made quite an impact, with his large brown eyes and soothing tone. When he stood up to speak, he would start by clearing his throat, scanning the room slowly, and then he would say, “I have attended 60 funerals in the past three months.”

After harboring the virus in his formerly powerful and invincible white blood cells for a time, he developed a number of opportunistic infections. Healthy people are exposed to these infections every day, and with efficient immune systems, they do not become ill. People like Bob cannot fight these ubiquitous invaders, and this plus a low number of immune cells qualifies them for a diagnosis of AIDS. Bob and I gave many joint presentations in those years. I was the biologist, the educator, the youth advocate, and he was The Face of AIDS. After a heroic journey, Bob died in 1990. His quiet voice will echo for years in the hearts and minds of those who sat quietly listening to his story.

AIDS is currently the second leading infectious killer in the world, second to acute respiratory illness. In 2007, there are forty million people in the world who are infected with HIV. Over one million of them are Americans. Since 1981, twenty-five million people have died from HIV/AIDS, and five hundred thousand of them are Americans. Why? Why? Why? Because it’s about SEX? Well, it’s more than that.

The virus doesn’t really care how it invades the bloodstream. There are various routes to reach its destination. One is to be directly placed into the blood through the skin. Another is to flow by way of shared blood supply from a person who is infected. Another is to be directly placed onto a delicate mucous membrane richly supplied with blood vessels.

Who is likely to contract the virus by any of these methods? Anyone. Repeat: Anyone. The imagination of our fear and denial creates a giant group of people who are at risk. The interesting common feature of this cast of thousands is that They Do Not Look Like Me. I do not inject drugs into my skin with used needles. I do not share a blood supply with others. And I certainly do not want to discuss my mucous membranes.

As long as any route of transmission involves sexuality, intimacy, mucous membranes or slippery fluids exchanged, we don’t want to hear about it. As long as any form of prevention involves talking frankly about sexuality with our children, our grandchildren, our partners, our peers or our parents, we don’t want to hear about it. It’s easier to float down that majestic river in Egypt dipping our toes in the water whenever we jolly well feel like it.

My friend Bob was so sad to think of losing his life early. He was also sad to see how much resistance there was to learning about, preventing and perhaps curing the virus. He said, “I would like to see a cure in my lifetime.” Unfortunately, his life was too short.

My goal is not as lofty as Bob’s, but perhaps as important. In my lifetime, I would like to see many more of us learn to talk openly, frankly and clearly about our sexuality. It’s a step in the right direction, and that road could lead to saving lives.