BoomerGirl Diary

This week hundreds of monarch butterflies have been feasting on our buddleia bush in preparation for their long flight to Mexico. I am fascinated by these glorious creatures and continue to be amazed at the wide variety of their colors, shapes and sizes. On our second date in London, my husband and I visited a butterfly house and were able to observe first-hand the different stages of the transformation process from caterpillar to butterfly.

After shedding its skin for the final time, the caterpillar changes into a “pupa.” This comes from the Latin word for “doll” because the hard, elongated shape that develops looks like a tightly swathed infant. The more popular term for this phase is “chrysalis,” which comes from the Greek word for “gold,” because small, golden spots form on the “pupa” as it hardens. Within this hardened cocoon, the caterpillar literally disintegrates into a pulpy mass, and it’s from this seeming void that the magnificent butterfly emerges.

In theological and spiritual literature this process has been used as a metaphor for the body and soul moving through death to resurrection. The butterfly has also been used as a symbol of spiritual growth and change. In ancient Greece the word “psyche” was used to indicate both butterfly and soul.

In his book “The World of the Monarch Butterfly,” Eric Grace writes,

“Most people imagine the transition going on in the pupa as a steady merging from one form to the other with a part-caterpillar, part-butterfly stage halfway. In fact, during the chrysalis stage, the caterpillar is almost completely broken down into a soup of cells before the butterfly becomes built up.”

I don’t know about you, but the concept of the caterpillar disintegrating into a mass of pulp symbolizes many situations and periods in my life. I used to hold the hope that once I had received enough therapy, spiritual direction, and did enough praying and meditating, I would get to a place where I would be so spiritually mature, I would remain on an even keel and flutter through life pretty unruffled. Ha! What a let down! I still have “pulpy periods” more often than I would like. I know there are advanced souls out there who have reached a stage of perfect tranquility and peace in their spiritual development, but I am not one of them. I would love to live like the glorious butterfly and flutter about drinking deeply of life’s nectar. I have met women who can do that, and, when I grow up, I want to be like them.

The day my husband and I watched the various butterflies emerge, I was struck at how effortlessly some of them did this, while others swung and struggled, and then swung some more. It took some of them three hours to finally emerge. I identified with the strugglers. As I grow older, I am trying to be a little less fraught as I move in and out of various stages in my life, but I still have a long way to go. I hang butterfly mobiles in my house to remind me that transformation is possible.

I continue to search for more meaningful ways of spiritual expression as I face the pulpy messes of my life and heal the wounds of my soul. One of these days I hope to emerge and live more fully as the beautiful being God called me to be.

How do you deal with the “pulpy mess periods” in your life?

What spiritual practices or supports have helped you in your process of transformation?