BoomerGirl Diary

Colorado Springs, Colo. — With the exception of a few hiccups along the way, Julia Cook has been seeing the same stylist for 18 years.

She trusts Mark Austin Neighbors, stylist at Salon 7 in Colorado Springs, Colo., to give her a good cut. And for as long as it takes, she knows she can chat about whatever she wishes — typically the Broncos.

"I don't know if I owe loyalty, but I feel that way," says Cook, a 45-year-old government contractor. "I could never cheat on Mark. If I went to another stylist, he'd know."

If you think of salons, you might think of scenes from "Steel Magnolias" or "Shampoo," in which chatty women gossip with their stylists/therapists while having their hair colored and curled.

Turns out the silver screen isn't that far off — 88 percent of women say it's important to have a personal rapport with their stylists, according to the Professional Beauty Association. Clients tend to expect — even demand — a relationship with their stylist that rivals one they might have with a significant other.

Stylists also expect such a relationship — or at the very least, have come to terms with it, since personal problems and saucy secrets have a way of coming out in a stylist's chair.

"I've heard just about everything you can imagine, from the completely horrific to really uplifting amazing stuff, to stuff I really wish I didn't know," says Sarah Kendell, owner of Perfect Angels Salon in Colorado Springs.

Work, kids, relationships, sex, affairs — you name it — stylists have heard it all. It's part of the role they accept when cutting hair: playing the confidant when their clients want to dish. But it works both ways.

"A lot of times we play the role of therapist," Neighbors says. "A lot of times, it's the other way around. If I'm having problems in my family, I know who to ask. In my clientele, there's several psychologists and therapists, so I get help as well."

This intimate relationship is why many clients — women especially — often feel conflicted about seeing someone else. Their loyalty has been known to keep some women in poor cuts for years.

"I see people with bad haircuts and bad color, but they feel bad leaving their stylist," says Karen Sandvik, manager at Perfect Angels Salon. "It's like a bad breakup when something goes wrong."

But why do clients, who are sometimes paying hundreds for a service, feel obligated to continue to see an unsatisfactory hairdresser?

Well, like any relationship, it's complicated. Clients tend to form bonds with their stylists from the first visit, a phenomenon that hairdressers attribute to touch.

"You are breaking a psychological barrier," Kendell says. "It's a touch in a way that's a positive neurological association."

The bond is further strengthened by sharing a project: A woman wants a certain look, and the hairdresser helps her achieve the goal (while keeping a secret that she's really a brunette).

"As a client I've noticed so many people wrap up what's going on in their lives in their hair," Sandvik says. "(Stylists) help to transform you into someone you see yourself as. It's almost like they know who you really are."

So there's a little vulnerability. But maybe the "breakup" with a stylist doesn't need all the emotional turmoil. After all, stylists have been known to discontinue services with clients.

"It's not very often, but it happens," Kendell says. "I divorced a guy right on the spot because he told me he liked it when I touched him. That was kind of creepy."

She "divorced" another client who treated her staff poorly.

When clients want to break up with their stylists, the easiest route may be to just do it. "Sometimes it's just better to rip the Band-Aid off," Neighbors says. "If you don't like who you're going with, find somebody who works better with your hair."

But as with any breakup, show some sensitivity. Chairhopping in the same salon can be uncomfortable for both the former client and stylist — like dating someone's friend.