BoomerGirl Diary

Dear Susan:

It is January 8 and I have already blown all my New Year’s resolutions. I feel like such a failure. I need to lose weight, exercise, eat healthy, look for a different job, and make my marriage and husband more of a priority before we end up on Dr. Phil. I made a list of all the changes I need to make in each area, and tried them all, but already I’ve blown it. What now?

Resolution Drop-Out

Dear RDO:

I feel a bit overwhelmed just reading your list. When there is so much, and you try to do it all at once, staying on track would challenge even Dr. Phil (and he probably has a gym in his house, a personal trainer, a cook if he wants one to make delicious low-fat meals, a job that pays multi-million bucks a year … and he seems to have a good marriage, too.)

Back to you. Your goals do overlap: eating healthy promotes weight loss, and exercise will give you more energy and drive and also foster weight loss. But this is lifestyle, not quick fix. Don’t get radical, do get serious.

Get a calendar and map out the next six weeks.

The difference is not just to make a list of all the changes, but to start small, review daily and check-off… we want successes, even small successes, rather than big-fantasy failure.

Start with exercise that is truly doable. Maybe 20-30 minutes of walking three times a week.

Start with eating changes that are doable. Like no high-cal snacks at night. Or just commit to writing down honestly everything you do eat so you can see what you are actually doing versus what you think you are doing.

Then map out a checklist for each day and check it off or explain why it didn’t happen. One change a week for six weeks equals six changes. Little changes that become part of your ‘norm’ become a real difference down the road.

Here is my favorite weight-loss strategy: You can eat anything you want as long as you fill out a sheet first. It should have sections on it such as:

1) I want to eat _________.

2) This will make me feel healthier and is part of my long-term plan __________ (yes/no) OR this will be calorie-stuffed and make me feel angry with myself later, like a failure, and get me off-course ______________.

3) If the latter, I am willing to accept those consequences because I really, really, really want to eat this ________________.

4) Three alternatives that would be healthier might be ___________________________.

5) I have considered the options and choose (which is my right as an adult woman) to have the _____________________. I will not beat myself up, nor use this as an excuse to ‘drop out’ of the plan I have developed to be more healthy and fit.

If you have a notebook, and not just record what you eat and when you exercise, BUT fill out one sheet every time you want to blow it, you will find that completing the form takes all the fun out of “blowing it.” You can also develop forms for when you don’t want to exercise as you scheduled… you can decide to not exercise anytime you want to as long as you complete a form first.

Now, as far as the job: you need a list of steps to get started looking. Then do one step a week. Period. Not all at once. Look for some professional guidance.

As far as the husband and marriage, well, repeat the process above. Start by reading anything by Michelle Weiner-Davis or John Gottman for ideas on the "steps." If you read 1-2 books, you will get ideas and solutions.

Don’t give up. A small step a week for six months generates real change.

Susan