BoomerGirl Diary

For years I’ve been awkwardly baffled and shamefully intimidated by orchids. They’ve always seemed so pretentious, high maintenance and smug. They reminded me of the spoiled Park Avenue prom queen who never had to worry about acne or boyfriends.

In contrast, my giant sunflower, Mexican sage, Cosmos and Shasta daisies learned about life on the other side of the tracks. They learned early on what it took to survive in an every-man for-himself world. Rather than maid service and a hot breakfast in bed, they’re accustomed to waking each morning to the hoarse yelling of my next-door neighbor, “For crying out loud, JIMMY! GET THE HELL OUT OF BED!”

Ah, the sounds of ghetto-Marin. I can only imagine the indignity my English roses must endure as they cry out for a proper British accent to console them ...

There comes a time, however, in the life of every dedicated gardener when they are challenged to learn new horticultural skills. For years I have silently lived in fear that one day some dear reader will ask me a basic question or two about orchids. I’m prepared to pretend I didn’t hear their questions, or flippantly delete their email from my computer screen.

But with age I’m learning to face my fears and in doing so I decided to consult Susie Turner at Green Door Design in Mill Valley to learn about orchids and the strange mysterious world of epiphytes. After working years as the buyer of interior plants and orchids for Smith and Hawken, Turner started her own business dedicated to orchids, interior plants and containers. Her specialty is locating the healthiest and most beautiful orchids for her clients. She also creates elegant and graceful arrangements in unusual containers such as vintage or antiqued wood. Most of her clients are on a schedule where she delivers fresh blooming orchids every few months or so.

There are over 25,000 species of orchids. Many of them are epiphytic, meaning they grow from the bark of trees or rocks, as air plants. (See, I told you they were weird!) They don’t like to sit in water, and in fact, don’t need much water.

“The number one mistake people make is over-watering their orchids. I recommend taking the orchid to the sink, let water run through for a few seconds, drain and return to its decorative container,” says Suzie. “Water orchids once every one to two weeks, depending on the size of the plant, the potting medium, the time of year and the home environment. Too much water will rot the roots. Always ask about watering when you buy an orchid.”

I was slowly beginning to see the light. I liked the idea that orchids are low maintenance, needing only indirect light and sparse water to survive. I also admired the orchids resourcefulness and resiliency in that some species don’t even require soil to bury their feet. I was starting to believe I could learn to love orchids and their peculiar ways.

But then Turner said something that made my inner demon child gulp. “Once an orchid blooms for a few weeks, it goes dormant and may not spike for another year."

Another year — what’s with that? Alas, this was the orchid’s fateful flaw. One must possess “patience” when growing orchids.

I was about to impatiently abandon my whole epiphyte idea when I peeked out my office window and saw hundreds of baby buds on the Cecile Brunner climbing rose. They too, bloom only once a year, and only for a month. Their heavenly scented pink blossoms make you believe for one transcendent and intoxicating moment that the entire world is pink, flowery and rose scented. So maybe, deep down inside the over-opinionated, over-caffeinated dark abyss of my inner being, I do have a shred of "patience" after all.

Okay, Orchid Lady, I’m back in the game! But tell me now what is this witchcraft you perform to bring a dormant orchid back from the ... dead?

“My clients can bring in their dormant orchids, or I pick them up, and I give them a small credit towards their next order. Many of these orchids go back to the greenhouse to re-spike and then come back to be sold again, if they meet my standards,” says Turner

“I also offer an orchid boarding service for the serious orchid collector. Clients pay a monthly fee, starting around $50, while their orchids go to the greenhouse for rehab where they will stay until they re-spike and are ready to bloom again. This may take nine-months to a year or longer,” explains Turner.

For us orchid neophytes, Susie recommends the Phalaenopsis orchid (moth orchid) which is probably the most suited and adaptable orchid to keep in a home environment. It often re-blooms with minimal effort. Other beginner orchids that she suggests are Paphiopediums (lady slipper orchid) or the Cymbidium, the large flower orchid that you find outdoors in the Bay Area’s Mediterranean climate. It’s better to plant outdoor cymbidiums in containers and not in the soil where they can stay too wet.

Turner recommends visiting www.orchids.org for further orchid advice to get us past our fear!