I take care of my ex-mother-in-law as her sons refuse to see her emotional need for human contact. They are good at sending cookies and paying bills but are oblivious to her fear her sadness her desire to be recognized and the absolute human need to connect with another human soul. This thought that our elders are in a 'good' nursing home for some eliviates the burden of guilt. HURRAY for Janet! I assume although at times tired she wouldn't trade her life and responsibilities and embraces the gift of being able to give back to the parents that did so much for her. I wish everyday I could go to a nursing home and see my parents. I am not the fortunate one who gets to feel the pit in my stomach anymore. The parents left long ago and sometimes feeling pain is better than feeling emptiness.
Pain, abuse, rape, alcoholism, violence...I can go on and on. My childhood was a Stephen King novel. I do not believe God used any of those things to make me who I am . I don't believe God wanted any of those thing s to happen to me, but they did. What I do believe is that each time I was crying God was crying with me. I felt his empathy and have been able to use the empathy sent to me from the Holy Spirit to better understand the pains of others. God cried for me and he cried for those that were hurting me. Pain is not a gift. Empathy and understanding are gifts and you can receive them without being hurt.They are with us when we are born. God created loving human beings because He created us in his image. I know deep in my soul that I would have been able to empathisize and care without the horrors of my past.
My husband was not happy and left our 23 year marriage. He didn't consult his aging mother who although in a nursing home I was her primary caretaker. He has now threatened a restraining order against me if I attend to her because he insist I am after her money. My heart breaks. I am now a single mother of six looking for a career and yet feel the pull to stay a presence in my mother-in-laws life. I feel it a gift to be able to help her and as such hope that their will be a kind soul in my life when I need help. Life is but a circle and when that circle is broken (restraining orders) it is hard to not get bitter. Life is about helping and being there for another because our time is coming. I am so saddened, not relieved as some of my friends have suggested, to not be able to take care of my mother-in-law. Her sons have her power of attorney so I am on the outs. She keeps asking for me. It is so sad. I pray that hearts will soften and that someday we can all learn that the material world is not what it is about.
Ha! 4 laundry baskets filled with socks and I swear not one match to be found. Ours, a daschund that loves to eat, and shred the sock until it is reduced to fibers. I have learned to tolerate the 7:15 am screaming of the 15 and 9 year old girls as they desperately try to locate that ultimate pair of socks so essential to the day's outfit; but I hope that they will at some point learn to accept what their 12,17 &19 old brothers have come to understand. Success in finding a pair of socks is locating the ones in which the toes and heels have yet to be eaten, color and size have no bearing. The next best thing would to take on the habit of the 21 year old who wears only flip flops. She has replaced the battle of the socks with the dispair of the half eaten underwear, not as easily addressed.
I find it most fascinating that you perceive me as strong. I would not use that adjective. I feel that only I am a vessel through which God's strength is manifest. I feel that those who describe themselves as strong are blocking the amazing power of God. I don't see you mother as being spent out for others; I see your mother as having a beautiful life allowing God to direct her steps.She received so much more than gave. I believe she is now in spirit form and still with all of you. I lost my Mom in her physical form ten years ago. My Dad died when I was 11. It would be very difficult to live if I did not feel their presence in my life today. I pray that all can give over to God the power they are desiring. Peace comes from the purest of knowledge that I am not working alone. It is the Holy Spirit that directs, moves and facilitates all that I do. Free Will, I can choose to turn away from this force, but why oh why would I do that.
I hate the words roles, masks, sacrifice for others. Each day God gives an opportunity to live, grow and learn. Sometimes I make a decision that leads to a joyful experience and others that decision leads to pain. It is however through the painful experiences that I grow the most and learn the most. I chose to be a mother of 6 children and leave behind the choice to finish college and pursue a career. When Mr. right left I easily could have fallen into the mindset that I had sacrificed the "real" me for him and the kids but I instead looked at all the wisdom and knowleddge that those 25 years brought into my life. I believe doing for others is loving yourself. When I give I receive much more than the receiver. I have new choices now, new horizons, new challenges that will bring a new way to serve. Did I wear myself to frazzle at times, sure I had 6 kids; but God always gave the strength to keep what I was doing in perspective. No one forced me into those roles and no one is forcing me into finding my new way. Growth is difficult, painful and at times seemingly unbearable, but that is why we are here. To grow, learn and serve.
I am not yet 50 but he left me at 45 with 6 kids. 24 year marriage and my resume contains wiping butts and noses, homework help and cleaning. Where do you start when the rug is pulled out from underneath you? Children watching your every move. It is overwhelming. No family, no money, no advice. Would love to hear how others have managed. Hard to get over the hopeless feelings. Did see the lawrence meeting but kids activities prevents attendance.
Ahhh, but I thought I was in a sorority with you! It is from where today I draw my strength to tackle the curves,and I don't mean in my figure, that life has thrown my way. It was our sorority that taught me to keep swinging although my strikes out numbered my hits. It was that okay, unofficial sorority of unconditional support embedded so early at a young age that will never leave me and lets me know that although not always in touch, my sorority sisiters are always there for me as I will always be there for them. MAJ I love you!
everchanging (anonymous) says...
I take care of my ex-mother-in-law as her sons refuse to see her emotional need for human contact. They are good at sending cookies and paying bills but are oblivious to her fear her sadness her desire to be recognized and the absolute human need to connect with another human soul. This thought that our elders are in a 'good' nursing home for some eliviates the burden of guilt. HURRAY for Janet! I assume although at times tired she wouldn't trade her life and responsibilities and embraces the gift of being able to give back to the parents that did so much for her. I wish everyday I could go to a nursing home and see my parents. I am not the fortunate one who gets to feel the pit in my stomach anymore. The parents left long ago and sometimes feeling pain is better than feeling emptiness.
On Caregivers in the circle of life
March 8, 2007 at 8:56 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
everchanging (anonymous) says...
Pain, abuse, rape, alcoholism, violence...I can go on and on. My childhood was a Stephen King novel. I do not believe God used any of those things to make me who I am . I don't believe God wanted any of those thing s to happen to me, but they did. What I do believe is that each time I was crying God was crying with me. I felt his empathy and have been able to use the empathy sent to me from the Holy Spirit to better understand the pains of others. God cried for me and he cried for those that were hurting me. Pain is not a gift. Empathy and understanding are gifts and you can receive them without being hurt.They are with us when we are born. God created loving human beings because He created us in his image. I know deep in my soul that I would have been able to empathisize and care without the horrors of my past.
On The pain package
February 15, 2007 at 9:56 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
everchanging (anonymous) says...
My husband was not happy and left our 23 year marriage. He didn't consult his aging mother who although in a nursing home I was her primary caretaker. He has now threatened a restraining order against me if I attend to her because he insist I am after her money. My heart breaks. I am now a single mother of six looking for a career and yet feel the pull to stay a presence in my mother-in-laws life. I feel it a gift to be able to help her and as such hope that their will be a kind soul in my life when I need help. Life is but a circle and when that circle is broken (restraining orders) it is hard to not get bitter. Life is about helping and being there for another because our time is coming. I am so saddened, not relieved as some of my friends have suggested, to not be able to take care of my mother-in-law. Her sons have her power of attorney so I am on the outs. She keeps asking for me. It is so sad. I pray that hearts will soften and that someday we can all learn that the material world is not what it is about.
On Caring for in-laws can be tough but needn't leave one trapped
February 15, 2007 at 9:37 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
everchanging (anonymous) says...
Ha! 4 laundry baskets filled with socks and I swear not one match to be found. Ours, a daschund that loves to eat, and shred the sock until it is reduced to fibers. I have learned to tolerate the 7:15 am screaming of the 15 and 9 year old girls as they desperately try to locate that ultimate pair of socks so essential to the day's outfit; but I hope that they will at some point learn to accept what their 12,17 &19 old brothers have come to understand. Success in finding a pair of socks is locating the ones in which the toes and heels have yet to be eaten, color and size have no bearing. The next best thing would to take on the habit of the 21 year old who wears only flip flops. She has replaced the battle of the socks with the dispair of the half eaten underwear, not as easily addressed.
On Sock-gate caused by overeager Retriever
January 15, 2007 at 8:23 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
everchanging (anonymous) says...
I find it most fascinating that you perceive me as strong. I would not use that adjective. I feel that only I am a vessel through which God's strength is manifest. I feel that those who describe themselves as strong are blocking the amazing power of God. I don't see you mother as being spent out for others; I see your mother as having a beautiful life allowing God to direct her steps.She received so much more than gave. I believe she is now in spirit form and still with all of you. I lost my Mom in her physical form ten years ago. My Dad died when I was 11. It would be very difficult to live if I did not feel their presence in my life today. I pray that all can give over to God the power they are desiring. Peace comes from the purest of knowledge that I am not working alone. It is the Holy Spirit that directs, moves and facilitates all that I do. Free Will, I can choose to turn away from this force, but why oh why would I do that.
On Do you see this woman?
January 15, 2007 at 2:39 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
everchanging (anonymous) says...
I hate the words roles, masks, sacrifice for others. Each day God gives an opportunity to live, grow and learn. Sometimes I make a decision that leads to a joyful experience and others that decision leads to pain. It is however through the painful experiences that I grow the most and learn the most. I chose to be a mother of 6 children and leave behind the choice to finish college and pursue a career. When Mr. right left I easily could have fallen into the mindset that I had sacrificed the "real" me for him and the kids but I instead looked at all the wisdom and knowleddge that those 25 years brought into my life. I believe doing for others is loving yourself. When I give I receive much more than the receiver.
I have new choices now, new horizons, new challenges that will bring a new way to serve. Did I wear myself to frazzle at times, sure I had 6 kids; but God always gave the strength to keep what I was doing in perspective. No one forced me into those roles and no one is forcing me into finding my new way. Growth is difficult, painful and at times seemingly unbearable, but that is why we are here. To grow, learn and serve.
On Do you see this woman?
January 14, 2007 at 1:27 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
everchanging (anonymous) says...
I am not yet 50 but he left me at 45 with 6 kids. 24 year marriage and my resume contains wiping butts and noses, homework help and cleaning. Where do you start when the rug is pulled out from underneath you? Children watching your every move. It is overwhelming. No family, no money, no advice. Would love to hear how others have managed. Hard to get over the hopeless feelings. Did see the lawrence meeting but kids activities prevents attendance.
On A Brand New Check Box
January 12, 2007 at 2:44 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
everchanging (anonymous) says...
Ahhh, but I thought I was in a sorority with you! It is from where today I draw my strength to tackle the curves,and I don't mean in my figure, that life has thrown my way. It was our sorority that taught me to keep swinging although my strikes out numbered my hits. It was that okay, unofficial sorority of unconditional support embedded so early at a young age that will never leave me and lets me know that although not always in touch, my sorority sisiters are always there for me as I will always be there for them. MAJ I love you!
On Strong bonds formed through life experience
January 7, 2007 at 5 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )