Well I hate the fact we loose, but I can't help but wonder if the woman might also loose...but that's just me and I'm one of the fellas. Late 50ies, involved for 1 1/2 years now with an incredible woman (50) and absolutely love her. She also does not want to marry and gives for reasons things that reflect your comments. It is our delimma and I'm afraid it could well be our demise. Her mother (70) is also involved with a man she won't marry and I don't want to continue like that. There is something about a marriage that meets needs of mine. I've been married before and divorced. I'm certainly not a husband that wants to control and I have never liked nor been attracted to women who were subservient. I do not want a "a nurse or a purse." What really attracts me to this woman IS her independence...it is a turn on. It feels like we are truely partners without a heirarchical relationship. I want intimacy and involvement that doesn't seem to come with a weekend and vacation romance. At the same time I do not want enmeshment...never have liked clingy women. We've talked about this many times and we've been able to find compromises on other issues, but this thing seems to have no middle ground. It frustrates me but mostly makes me very sad. I could stay with her as is and have this love, but not have the intimacy I really want. Since I'm so damn monogamous, it also means I'll never have the possibility of marriage. OR I turn her loose and regain the possibility, but risk never being able to find another like her. This is my delimma and it just drives me nuts.
I guess I just don't think marriages have to be the way they were...why can't she have her independence while in a marriage with me? Is there something about marriage that prevents women from being independent? Does it change them so much that they can not keep it?
wisker (anonymous) says...
Well I hate the fact we loose, but I can't help but wonder if the woman might also loose...but that's just me and I'm one of the fellas. Late 50ies, involved for 1 1/2 years now with an incredible woman (50) and absolutely love her. She also does not want to marry and gives for reasons things that reflect your comments. It is our delimma and I'm afraid it could well be our demise. Her mother (70) is also involved with a man she won't marry and I don't want to continue like that. There is something about a marriage that meets needs of mine. I've been married before and divorced. I'm certainly not a husband that wants to control and I have never liked nor been attracted to women who were subservient. I do not want a "a nurse or a purse." What really attracts me to this woman IS her independence...it is a turn on. It feels like we are truely partners without a heirarchical relationship. I want intimacy and involvement that doesn't seem to come with a weekend and vacation romance. At the same time I do not want enmeshment...never have liked clingy women. We've talked about this many times and we've been able to find compromises on other issues, but this thing seems to have no middle ground. It frustrates me but mostly makes me very sad. I could stay with her as is and have this love, but not have the intimacy I really want. Since I'm so damn monogamous, it also means I'll never have the possibility of marriage. OR I turn her loose and regain the possibility, but risk never being able to find another like her. This is my delimma and it just drives me nuts.
I guess I just don't think marriages have to be the way they were...why can't she have her independence while in a marriage with me? Is there something about marriage that prevents women from being independent? Does it change them so much that they can not keep it?
It's a delimma!!!!!
On Women after 50 don't want to be a 'nurse or a purse'
September 8, 2007 at 7:22 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )