BoomerGirl Diary

An evil-doer, bad guy, creep-a-zoid, was SEEN doing bad, bad, things. He was reported, caught, and processed within an HOUR. In Costa Rica, that has GOT to be a record. Most times the bad guys are never even located.

The story begins about a month ago. A nice enough looking Tico came up our driveway and visited with Ken about potential employment. Ken, once hearing how much the guy would charge to chop weeds, said no thanks and sent him on his way. Before leaving the guy asked for and received a drink of water from our outdoor faucet.

A week later, the guy returned. This time I was home alone. Knowing the ways of things here, I met the local in our side yard before he could get any closer to seeing into our home. You just never know if someone is truly a nice person, or checking out your place to see what can be easily stolen. Sad, but true. One just never knows.

On this day he again asked for water. I escorted him to our faucet and turned it on for him. He took several gulps and seemed to appreciate it. I inquired where he lived and he said about 20 minutes south of us. I asked what he was doing up our way and he said that he had been working on the lot next to ours. I asked doing WHAT and he replied "chopping". Really? Hmmmm. It was the first clue things weren't what they seemed.

This Tico man was wearing SHORTS and tennis shoes, no hat, and no machete. Those things are typical of REAL workers. He had not a blade of grass on him anywhere. Keeping distance between us I asked if he needed MORE water and he replied with, "I have to urinate now". Oh great.

It's COMMON for ticos to be seen along side the road peeing all over the country, so I didn't find this out of the ordinary. But, him TELLING me and requesting to pee THERE, was odd. Why not just mosey down the road a bit and pee THERE?

Well I indicated he should move over into the bushes some and I returned to the back of our house and acted busy rolling up a water hose that was on the ground. I kept him in my sights without looking directly on him and was SHOCKED when I saw he had stepped away from the bushes and after peeing decided to eagerly FONDLE himself facing me!! Oh my goodness...now what was I to do?

Earlier, when he had first approached he had inquired about Ken and I told him honestly that he was not at home. But, I did quickly add he was due to return PRONTO. I did not however tell him that I was home alone. So, when I realized what Tico man was doing, I hollered up to the 2nd floor of our house yelling out Ken's son's name, who was not home either, and yelled...."Come here, I need you". Over and over I yelled out and even took a broom and knocked on the outside of the house saying, "Wake up and come outside"...to a totally empty house.

Apparently my acting skills were good enough as the jerky turkey soon zipped up and hollered out a genial, "Gracias para la aqua. Adios". I then ran into the house and grabbed our pistol then went out onto our deck where I could watch him leave.

Half way down our driveway I saw him get on his bike that he had leaned up against a tree and peddled onto the main road and headed south. Whew!! Ken, his sons, and our friends thought it a strange encounter that I had, though be it, slightly comical, when I shared the story with them later.

Not so funny now, a week later, when it happens again!! Yep. Guess who shows back up in our yard, and guess who is again home alone?

"Oh Crap" I say to myself as soon as I see who has silently approached our house. Today I just stepped out of our front door and stood a distance away with a look on my face trying to project, "I DON'T WANT YOU HERE".

He said one word. "Aqua?". This time I just pointed to where he knew the faucet was and waited for him to round the corner of the house. Once he was out of my sight I high tailed it upstairs and grabbed the gun. I went onto our deck and peered at the pervert through the slats in our bamboo blinds. I saw him diddle (no pun intended) with the water pipes and then he seemed to just hang out there looking around a bit. Finally, when he stepped out from the brush that blocks the faucet, I pushed the blind out so he could see me and I said, "Adios". He replied, "no aqua", to which I said, "lo siento...adios" (I'm sorry, good bye). He waved and headed down the drive.

I looked away from the Tico to check to make sure I had bullets in the gun then went to another spot on our deck where I could watch him exit our property. I stood there but couldn't see him. No sign of him anywhere. Back to my first view point I looked around the back of our house and the top of the drive, but still, no sign of him.

Had he left THAT quickly? I didn't think so. I scanned the driveway along the roots of the hibiscus plants and saw a movement. He was in our driveway, but behind a hedge row, not twenty feet away. All I could see, through a small opening between two bushes was.....well, lets just say, a very rapid movement going on mid body. I couldn't believe it!!! What was this guys problem???

I kept an eye on him in hopes he would soon wonder off, when instead he bent down and peered up at the house while still in the process of what he was doing. Why? To see if I was watching the show? Enjoying his display? I was furious!!! Gloves off...I'm gonna fight this one.

I pushed the blind open wide and hollered out at him, "What are you doing?!?!?!" Making sure he could see me, and he did, I held my gun out and shook it in his direction. I yelled at him to leave...NOW. In Spanish I said "NO MAS AQUA AQUI!!! NUNCA!! I'm limited in my Spanish but knew he would know what that mean. "No more water here. Ever!!". Since that didn't sound too threatening even to me, with my best John Wayne imitation, hollering loud enough for truckers on the road to hear, "I'll SHOOT YOU WHERE YOU STAND!!" I said a few more words like "Idioto, and Tonto" (idiot and stupid head) and was sure to throw in a few "pistola" comments for emphasis.

Most of my dialog was screamed at his back side as he peddled away. For as soon as he saw the gun in my hand he was zipped up and on his bike in a flash.

I tried to go back to my morning routine but every time I heard any noise what so ever I was rushing with the gun to look out over the deck for the pervert. I had begun to tremble some and realized I was more shaken up by what had happened then I thought. I decided to lock the downstairs up and stand watch until one of the men returned.

I got some coffee and called my gal pal Terry to share my big news with her. She had heard about my former incident with this guy and was upset for me to hear he had returned. She suggested I file a report on him at the local police station, having it on record with the authorities. Then she said that if he was on bike, we could drive along the main road to see if we could find him. "Alright. Good idea. Let's Go"! (Enter theme song to Hill Street Blues).

Before we took off I put the gun away and left Ken a note saying what had happened and where I was going. Terry suggested I get my camera in case we spot the jerk (the perv, not Ken). We grabbed it and were off. We had a mission!! We were Cagney and Lacey out to nab the perpetrator.

We headed south thinking he might have been heading home, but after not seeing him within the first few miles turned back to go to the police station. We met up with Ken on the road, obviously heading to our house, and not yet aware of what was going on. I knew he would soon read the note I had written, so we just waved and drove on.

When we turned into the village where the cops were located, guess who was on his bike right in front of us. THE FREAK!! I hollered out to Terry..."THAT'S HIM!!! It's HIM.". Terry slowed her car as I turned my camera on. I got one shot off before he had passed by us. It was a good one though. We waited until he got to the intersection, now behind us, to see what direction he was heading. Once he turned south, we raced to the police station and crossed our fingers they were on duty.

We were in luck. The two cops were in the office so Terry quickly explained the situation in Spanish. Thank goodness she was there as I just don't know how I could have acted this all out, not being able to say much in Spanish myself. I showed them the picture I had just taken and told them where they could find him. They didn't rush to do anything, but rather made a call to someone telling them they were stepping out of the office for a bit. They put their helmets on and loaded onto the ONE motorcycle they have, telling us to stay there.

While they were gone we walked across the road to an office building where another friend works. I wanted to use her phone to call Ken. While I was on the phone, Terry showed various folks there the picture and explained what this guy had done. One lady said how she had seen the guy sitting on the sidewalk as she pulled into work not long ago. Another lady recognized the tico and was able to give us his name and cedula (the Costa Rican I.D. number). Wow...this was great. Others had seen him, we had his name, we knew where he lived and had his I.D. information!!!

After a few minutes the keystone cops returned and thought they might go driving around elsewhere to find him. They were heading in the exact opposite way the knob knocker had gone. We told them, again, which way he had taken off and they suggested Terry drive THEM in her car to go look for him together. That way, IF we found him, they would need to put him in the car to return him to their office. It would be too hard for them to put a third man on a motorcycle. No kidding!

The four of us headed down the road, keeping an eye out for this guy in his bright yellow t-shirt. We had gone quite a ways and hadn't seen him, but we had passed by a bike up against a store that we wondered if it was his. So we turned around to investigate. We looked at the picture on the camera again and noted it was a purple bike with a black basket. As we approached the store, the bike was still leaning up against the wall, and sure enough, it matched the description. Pulling into the parking lot, my pervert was standing right in the doorway talking on a pay phone. WE FOUND HIM!

The cops left the vehicle and walked into the store very nonchalantly. They circled around the guy checking to see if he had any obvious weapons on him...I guess. They were nice and let the creep finish his phone call before they asked him to step outside. He was escorted to our car and I was asked if he was the man. Yes indeedio! That is the guy, I confirmed.

They then walked him to the front of Terry's car and asked for his paperwork. He was soon spread eagle against the hood and getting patted down. He was put in the back seat with a cop in between he and I. Too close for MY comfort, but hey...we were off to the pokey!

Once at the police station he was told why he was picked up. One of the officers was mainly asking why he had gone to my property and he said it was to ask for water. The cop told him that it is private property and not to go up there ever again. Fine. He was okay with that. The other officer inquired, "What about the other thing she said he was doing"? With that little reminder cop #1 brought up the fact that it is a bad idea to masturbate in front of other people. He guy denied it, saying he was only taking a leak.

The cop shot back that it wasn't just the one time today, but a previous time as well. He scolded the tico and told him to keep his weenus in his pants as NO ONE wants to see it. He again denied what he did and the cop said that he believed the gringa, me, adding, "They don't lie. They don't know how to". (Interesting that they think that!). Again he was told that masturbating in front of others is not a good idea. Mala, mala mala!!! Realizing he could no longer deny what he had done, he indicated he would not do it again.

I was then asked if I wanted to press charges. I immediately said yes I did, but was taken aside and given details and options. Finding out that it would mean having to go to a Spanish only speaking court, hire an attorney, have to explain everything, and that it could end up being his word against mine, PLUS the fact he might bring up that I threatened HIM with a gun, it was better to leave him with a strong warning.

So they did. They emphasized that if I ever see him NEAR our property, I'm to call them, the police, and he'll be arrested immediately and charged with not only trespassing (now that he's been warned) but with public trouser trout tugging as well.

He seemed to take the threat seriously enough. He'd BETTER...because if there IS a next time, the gun WILL be fired and I can't promise if my aim to the knees won't be a tad higher. If you know what I mean. God help a masturbator who has a pissed off woman with hot flashes, on Lexapro, pointing a gun at him!