February 8, 2007
Okay. I'll be the first to say it out loud: Has anybody else noticed that Jared is putting on weight?
Believe me, I sympathize. I have fought a battle with weight all of my life. Lost a lot, gained a lot, lost a lot ... you get my drift. All of the scientific studies tell us that with 90+% of the populace, fat that has been lost will shadow you like The Blob from an old science fiction movie and will adhere itself back onto you one day when you're minding your own business and looking the other way. So, in fact, low-fat turkey submarine sandwiches notwithstanding, Jared is much like the rest of us.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. Hey, we're all human! It's just that Jared's weight gain is a business matter, not just something that you can hide under a bias-cut A-line skirt and an attractive bulky sweater. He's a National Spokesperson, a walking logo. There's business to consider here: stockholders, employees, millions of dollars in ad money.
I first considered the possibility of his weight gain in some ads that began with full body shots. When they pulled in for the torso shots of him picking up a sandwich, that torso was noticeably slimmer than the torso attached to his head in the full shot. It looked to me like a body double had been used. Or in this case, perhaps, a body half.
Then they started to pair him with other people. Big people. People with big necks and big arms who are not GQ attractive, but are large. I was in sales and marketing for decades, so I get what they're doing. It's a classic case of projection: "Hey! Don't look at Jared! Look at me! Doesn't Jared look slim in comparison to me?"
None of this matters when it comes to my buying practices. I still admire Jared for his accomplishments and sympathize with the difficulty of keeping weight off long-term. I'll still buy and savor their sandwiches. But I'll admit that given my business background, I'm having a great time picturing the high-level meetings that are occurring behind closed doors as we speak. Careers are at risk. Marketing managers are sweating in their expensive slim-cut suits. Dieticians and exercise gurus are lowering the blinds and giving long, boring Power Point presentations. There are whispers about stomach-stapling procedures over after-work martinis, corporate lawyers are looking very closely at that weight-gain clause in the contract, and somebody who knows somebody in the mailroom at Jenny Craig's ad agency is surreptitiously asking what kind of contingency plan they have in place in case Kristie falls off the wagon.
Hm. All this is making me hungry. Think I'll go get a sandwich.
— In honor of this blog, Pat Detmer has changed the theme of her Web site to candy! Make sure you have something to eat before you visit, or you may be tempted. www.patdetmer.com.
Comments
amazonratz (anonymous) says...
My husband and I were just noticing that last night! How astute of you. Funny piece. Poor Jared. He's had a good run, though...
February 8, 2007 at 7:51 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
ljohnson (ljohnson) says...
I sadly have to admit that I was noticing the same thing about Jared. But his loss is well... Actually his gain is your gain! Hilarious piece! Love your blog!
February 8, 2007 at 11:40 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Francophile1962 (anonymous) says...
I thought it was just me!! No schadenfreude here, just empathy! I'm just glad my income isn't linked to my girth, or I could be in "big" trouble!
February 9, 2007 at 11:46 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Theresa (anonymous) says...
I haven't seen Jared in a while so I can't "weigh in" on this one. But Francophile said it - God help me if my livlihood was tied to my ability to stay on a diet. On one hand, it would help to keep me honest but imagine the people giving you the evil eye when you walk into the Ben & Jerry's store!
February 9, 2007 at 12:01 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
pdetmer (pdetmer) says...
Okay. This was posted at the beginning of February. Has anyone even seen a Jared commercial since then? I don't think I have. I have TIVO, so I speed through commercials, but still ...
March 29, 2007 at 12:01 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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