January 8, 2007
A year ago my heart was broken and I cried about it for months. I cried every day. I tried to put a patch on my heart by having a brief romance but that didn’t work either. I still cried every day. The funny thing about dating at this age is you’re never quite sure where the heartache ends and where the raging hormones begin. I’m still not sure what brings on my tears. What is certain is that I am sick and tired crying. So, here I am, ready to dive head first back into the dating pool.
Over the last couple of years as my menstrual cycle has become more irregular, I seem to have physically and emotionally gone back in time to when my cycle was first irregular. Puberty. Certainly my hormones are as wacky now as they were then, perhaps for a different reason, but the result is the same. I cry all the time. And even more, I can think of nothing but men. I won’t say sex, although that is true most of the time, but I think about their legs; the hair on their bodies; how their hands would feel holding mine. It’s never really personal just an ever-present desire to have male contact in any way I can.
So, how does a single woman living in New York City accomplish that male closeness? Raging hormones are skewing my judgment. Going out to bars would be disastrous. Book stores? Grocery stores? Work? No. This is New York City. Most of the men I have met over the years are either gay, married or both and turning 50 certainly hasn’t improved my odds.
I decided to return to the only thing I have had a true relationship with over the last 10 years… my computer. I have signed up for every on-line dating service I could find that didn’t seem pornographic in nature. They all work differently. Some are black holes of mystery where information goes in and never comes back out. Some take the information and decide for you who you should possibly meet – this particular system seems less reliable than my friends’ feeble attempts to set me up over the years. Then there are those dating services where you can perform searches, send flirtatious notes or when feeling truly bold, an e-mail.
I search the sites, review the profiles and occasionally send a brief message. Men in the cyber world are doing the same thing and I am amazed that the e-mails begin to arrive. There are young men and old men alike showing interest. What are they looking for? A date? Marriage? Sex? Have they read my profile? The picture actually looks like me. Are they blind? Did they actually read my age? It is a new year and I am ready to find out.
Comments
Theresa (anonymous) says...
I'll look forward to reading your adventures in dating and mating. Be careful out there!
January 15, 2007 at 9:59 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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