August 26, 2008
by Carol Starr Schneider
Not to toot my own horn, (but if I don’t, who will?) a while back, I predicted (earlier than anyone else in the blogosphere, according to my own highly-biased research) that Valerie Bertinelli’s addition to the Jenny Craig campaign could only mean one thing for Kirstie Allie:
Don’t let the door hit your ever-expanding rump on the way out.
Of course, it took many months for my prophecy to play out. As Valerie got thinner and took up more space on camera, Kirstie got more zaftig and less visible. They hid her in the corner, concealed her in a car, angled her awkwardly and over-girdled her girth. They tried everything to camouflage her noticeable tonnage, yet in the end, she got canned.
And now, my friends, I’m going to call another exit that will prove painful and cringe-worthy:
Kind-hearted, misunderstood Paula Abdul, cherished or reviled for her wackiness on “American Idol,” will “bow out” of the show by the end of this season. Yes, legions of non-fans will celebrate her inevitable au revoire. I, for one, will sit shiva. I love Paula. I embrace her ditzy routine. I applaud any short Jewish gal who makes it as a dancer – a rarity, I assure you – then stages a comeback in her 40s and milks it for all its worth. I’ll be sad to see her go.
Why, you ask, am I going to the dark place so soon? The announcement that "American Idol" will be adding a fourth judge, Grammy-nominated songwriter Kara DioGuardi, for the show's eighth season, only came yesterday.
I’ll tell you why. Paula Abdul herself is a bit farklempt about the fetching, 37-year-old add-on. Naturally, she’s already processing her mixed emotions in interviews, forgetting to edit herself as she goes along. According to UsMagazine.com, on Monday, Paula claimed on Phoenix's KISS-FM that she's “excited” about DioGuardi coming aboard, but admitted, "I am concerned about the audience and acceptance. Time will tell. We'll see."
In other words, she’s terrified. Paula went on to explain that DioGuardi, who’s written for Christina Aguilera, Celine Dion, Kelly Clarkson and Gwen Stefani, was added because “Idol’s” producers "wanted to try a change," and said the show "always tried for a fourth judge because it followed the format of the original show, 'Pop Idol.' We haven't had much luck with that working, but we're gonna give it another try."
Another try that Paula can only hope fails on every level. Plus, a fourth judge muddles up the format: "That's gonna be weird if it's a split decision," she said. "I'm sure Simon will get to make the final [call]. It takes the fun out of all the hard work I do to push those kids through."
Fox can call DioGuardi an addition all they want. They can make a bid to shake up ratings. They can tout her impressive credits and splash her sexy image on billboards, too.
But I know the truth. She’s Paula Abdul’s eventual replacement. They’re trying to push Paula over the edge here. Mess with her fragile psyche. Make her look bad next to someone younger and savvier. Trip her up and dumb her down.
America won’t buy it. Adding another judge alters the delicious, well-established chemistry of “American Idol.” It will not bring in more viewers or bring back those who strayed last season. A fourth opinion won’t do the trick.
I guess Fox has forgotten the Jane Pauley-Debra Norville “Today Show” disaster of 1989. NBC brought in the pretty, younger Norville as an unofficial third co-host and within months Pauley resigned. The ratings didn’t improve with Norville. And they won’t improve when Paula gets the boot.
You heard it here first, people. So tell me. What are your thoughts on this most pressing matter?
Comments
Theresa (anonymous) says...
I like Paula too but she really messed up last season with the "I thought you sang twice" show. I think that did her in. I havent heard of DiGaurdi and wonder if anybody has. That doesn't make much sense to me. You would think they would bring in a "celebrity" judge.
August 27, 2008 at 12:55 p.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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